to quote britney spears, “not a girl, not yet a woman.”

never did i think i would use britney spears’ timely lyrics to quote my current state of mind AGAIN (because let’s face it, at 16 she pegged my quasi-sexual teenage angst down to tee), but here she is poignantly coloring my emotion again…

to those that are younger, 27 seems old, mature, ripe with adulthood things like clean apartments, fiancees and a general together-ness. to those older, i am still young, naive in many ways and have oh-so-much to learn.

to me? 27 = freaking the fuck out.

putting the tragically glamorous 27 club aside, googling 27 is a digital, ego-deflating assault on what to expect in the coming year. the year, it apparently all changes.

you can read dollops such as “notice your life turning upside down (around age 27)” which refers to this delicate stage as the mystical saturn return (aka my orbital transition between youth and adulthood – duh).  or “old age begins at 27” which brightly shares that scientists have discovered that 27 is when your mental faculties really start to take a dip. yippee. depends here i come.

and if that wasn’t cheery enough, yet another article “is 27 the best age ever?” highlights the many triumphs others have achieved by this epochal age…hemingway, he wrote the sun also rises, ingrid bergman – well she was starring in casablanca, ben and jerry – yup – ice cream king pins at the age of 27.

and me.

completely, totally, entirely assured and completely, totally, entirely terrified. me. every saturday night planning on having “A NIGHT” and every saturday night, being home by 12am, undoubtedly deciding wine and my couch is far more appealing. my ears burn when i smoke pot. i am engaged (and supposed to be someone’s real-live wife). i am terrified of riding bikes. i hate my job. i love my job. i get overly emotionally during animated films.

and today i am 27. not a girl, not yet a woman.

and in this moment it hits me. 27 is a pregnant pause in one’s twenties – a year filled with expectation and transformation. the last year to be obscene, the last year when you can get away with it. all of it. it is the moment before the moment you really become an adult.

and with that i will go into 27 with wild ambition. a free heart and an open mind (forgive the hippie poetic crap, it IS my birthday).

away we go.


birthday boy (mis)givings

next week mark’s the boyfriend’s birthday. and while no one really loves birthdays more than this girl (and i mean really. like it is my most favorite thing. ever.) the boy’s birthday puts me in a darkwing duck tailspin of epically-male proportions.

sports? meh. clothes? did that for birthday year 2,5 and 7. dinner and show? well that’s just called tuesday.

frustrations in full force, i decided to dig around on this nifty thing called the internet, and have come up with some deeply original (or at least i think) ideas for the boy.

1. the brackish bow tie

fine so this one may be more for me…but come on. turkey AND pheasant feathers. let’s. get. real. everyone loves a bowtie and this just brought it into the badass hall of fame. yup, i said it…it is badass.

2. rebel playing cards by studionumberone + theory 11

studionumberone is shepard fairey’s design studio so that already adds a pop culture cache…and they feature inarguably cool things like sketches of the capitol building and latin phrases n’ stuff. boys like that, right?

3. the impossible instant lab

fine, this is another one i would like for myself, but this can totally go both ways! according to a write up in, this modern-marvel of a gadget uses nothing more than an iphone’s screen to expose polaroid-style instant film AND it is entirely portable. hipsters rejoice…this is the final piece to your brooding, too-cool puzzle. and maybe mine.

4. bmw zagato roadster

so while i recognize this might be a great gift for a point when my bank account reflects more than four figures, and that right now it is an exercise in bmw style…i do think it would make another stupendous birthday gift. bringing the z4 body back to life with lot’s more attitude and less pomp, the car looks as fast as it probably goes. screw it…i’ll take two. one should give themselves presents once in a while too.