against humanity

Screen Shot 2012-12-31 at 3.32.44 PMi am normally for humanity. i find it enriching, fuzzy and gooey, yadda, yadda.

but let’s face it…inside we are all a little (or in some cases completely) terrible, awful, disgusting people.

it’s the reason the word schadenfreude exists. and movies such as the hangover.

and because schadenfreude is just a fleeting moment of completely mal-intented glee, some really screwed up people created a game called cards against humanity.

self-described as “a free party game for horrible people,” its apples-to-apples gone wrong. very, very wrong.

the game is extremely simple (which makes it an even better drinking game). each round, one player asks a truly deep and probing question from a black card, such as “why am i sticky?” or “what did vin diesel eat for dinner?” and everyone else answers with their funniest white card: “a micropenis,” “glenn beck screwing a donkey,” “ghandi,” or “powerful thighs.”

completely pc and family-friendly.

Screen Shot 2012-12-31 at 3.26.01 PMthe more liquor you add the better and entirely incomprehensible the answers become. and the more people’s truly horrible inner-thoughts (autocannibalism anyone?) come out.

AND it comes in spanish, italian, german, Portuguese, polish, french, hebrew, dutch, estonian, danish, AND pirate. (i know you were worried.)

so as we ring in the new year, full of hope and ambition, i will salute my friends and wish upon them a year filled with “oompa loompas,” “toni morrison’s vagina,” and “super soakers full of cat pee” in plenty.

happy to new year to all, and to all a humanity filled night.


national disappointment

Sandy-Hook-Connecticut-school-shooting-23-jpgit’s disappointing that gun control and mental illness only serve as floaters in our collective conscious until an unspeakable act of violence occurs.

it is even more disappointing that certain bieber fans thought it was more important to watch their beloved on ellen rather than coverage of the events unfolding in connecticut.

but chief amongst the disappoints is that a bill passed in michigan last thursday regarding gun control has not been repealed in light of friday’s events.

senate bill 59 would allow people with a state concealed pistol license to earn the right to carry a gun in what are currently pistol-free zones. more specifically it means that openly carrying guns is not permitted on school properties, however people who have completed advanced training (whatever that might be) with concealed pistol licenses are allowed to carry concealed weapons… in schools and public arenas.

tea party darling, rick perry, takes this one step further when speaking of his beloved texas, commenting that anyone with a concealed handgun license in the lone star state should be able to take guns on public property – including schools.

or we could even jump on board with virginia governor bob mcdonnell who is promoting discussion around arming school officials. because there is no way teachers could suffer from mental illness and/or potentially do something harmful.

so, say a potentially undocumented mentally ill person (even possibly a teacher) – can apply for a concealed handgun license, get some “advanced” training – and boom (pun intended) they are now allowed to gallivant around logical gun-free zones with (concealed) glock in tow.

well yeah, that makes LOADS of sense.

now i am not saying just because someone is mentally ill and has access to a gun they will shoot up a town, nor am i naysaying the 2nd amendment. in fact i believe in it. what i don’t believe in however, are the laws and methods surrounding the amendment.  case and point above.

when is it ever okay to carry guns onto a school campus? have there not been enough school shootings, enough accidents where kids bring daddy (or mommy’s) gun to school and shoot a classmate? and to now allow it as long as it is concealed – that seems like not only a giant leap backward, but a cruel slap in the face to the grieving parents and families of sandy hook.

rick perry, is rick perry. he is a bonafide lunatic and hopefully will disappear into an elephant’s arse sometime soon. but snyder, he still has a chance. he has yet to sign the bill.

one can only hope that snyder sees the detriment a bill like this could have, on not only gun control, but also the morale of a community. as obama said, it is time we take “meaningful action” to prevent killings, and the action starts here.


the dirty wordy

Screen shot 2012-12-10 at 4.25.38 PMmoist.

i hate that word. it crawls under my skin and makes my whole body recoil.

i don’t know the etymology behind it or where the shift in word culture happened, but according to huff po and a continuing and entirely unscientific case study of my peers, i am not alone.

in fact, there is a word for my visceral repulsion to moist: logomasia.

(the fact that the word to describe a strong dislike for a particular word, sounds like a horribly deforming venereal disease is a cruel and probably hilarious joke between the linguists who created it.)

according to the language log, reactions to words, such as logomasia, can be attributed to the relationships between language, emotion, memory and something equally gross-sounding, called “mouthfeel” or the way a word feels in your mouth (for wordy people they sure lack creativity).

to a degree it makes sense, the mouthfeel around moist (which is quite possibly the grossest sentence i’ve ever written) is awful. the rounding of the “m”, the “oi” in the middle and the crusty sounding “st” at the end…i actually FEEL gross saying it.

this brings up an interesting point though. what about the mouthfeel of other questionable words? words, for example, that sound or feel dirty but actually aren’t.

words like conch.

tell me you don’t hear that word and giggle. it feels dirty. will you pass me the conch? have you ever blown a conch? you’re such a dirty conch. loofa is another great one. i saw her loofa. what’s up with your loofa? have you cleaned your loofa lately?

and my recent favorite, penetrate. it is the perfect dirty non-dirty word. let me elaborate. penetrate be defined in the sexual sense or as successfully forcing a way into or through something…for example a brand in retail store. which brings me to why it’s a new favorite: my boss. without fail he uses the word penetrate two to four times a day. “what’s our penetration ratio today?” “did we penetrate that bloomingdales location yet?” not only does he say it in meetings, but he will animatedly yell it across an entire cubicle area…without the slightest hint of humor. i can’t help but erupt into a sophomoric snit of giggles…EVERY TIME.

as time evolves (and conch becomes an actual dirty word…just you watch) it will be interesting to see what other words stray into the nether regions of english lexicography (like gesticulate, it’s right on the cuff). until then, the biggest question remains what word will etymologists come up with for non-dirty dirty words. if logomasia is any indication, the word will be filthy.

and you will like it.

a collection: cathy daley

due to work i have had unexpectedly and quite happily had to take a deep dive into the art world. one quickly learns that art, in it’s many forms, is a rabbit hole. you can’t simply start with one artists or genre, and let that be. one painter begets another, which begets another gallery, which begets another genre, and so forth. and before you know it four hours have flown by, you still feel you know absolutely nothing, and your boss is asking where the document is that you promised him three hours ago.


though you are now rushing to finish said document and have irritated your boss, there is consolation in the fact you probably found some incredible new artist,  a little discovery that you can treasure, put as the background to your iPhone and someday showcase in your house.

today my consolation prize is cathy daley.


reigning from toronto, cathy has been exhibiting since 1980 and remains a canadian tour-de-force, with her work taking up residence in some of the country’s most renowned institutions.

i am not going to pretend i know the sure-to-be femininst-heavy symbolism behind her oil pastel tutus and protruding can-can legs, but i do know they are filled with wit and loads of satire, and even if i don’t know quite what that satire is, i know i like it. and would probably also like what it stands for.

until them, enjoy and yes, cathy’s untitled legs now grace my iphone background. whatever, i know.

(all images from cathy daley’s website.)