the catalog of my dreams

squeal! christmas has come early. LITERALLY.

neiman marcus’ christmas books is out. deep breaths. every year i wait with bated breath for their christmas catalog of delights.

while the clothes may be nice and the shoots may impress, it is the fantasy gifts the put a skip in my step. this year the gifts range from a mere $30,000 to a cool $1.1MM, offering even the most modest of hedonists a chance to get in on the fun.

(the fact that my bank account does even register on the luxury richter-scale is really a non-issue. i’m banking on some sympathetic gajillionaire reading the post and so forth taking pity on my meager soul by purchasing 1-3 of the below items. i’ll also take a cash check if that is preferable.)

1) jetlev R200 – $99,500 – yup, that water-propelled jetpack that let’s is users hover 30ft in the air and coincidentally also causes it’s users to face-plant from 30ft in the air. regardless it’s pretty neat and i am fan of water propulsion. and while you may think the price is expensive for a a hovercraft, neiman marcus throws in a boat, a pilot certification course and radios so you can gab whilst hovering.

2) bulleit woody tailgate trailer – $150,000– while i have never been or heard of a tailgate quite as high-brow as bulleit’s, i figure you are never too old to learn. and i happen to be quite fond of learning things that involve bourbon.  leather furnishings, wood finishings (handcrafted from reclaimed bulleit bourbon casks…of course), glassware, a flat-screen tv, blu-ray, a surround-sound system, plus a one-year supply of bulleit bourbon. truth be told, if i had this i wouldn’t even go out anymore. i would just invite friends to meet me on random street corners for a glass of bourbon and some boogie knights on blu-ray.

3) his and hers 2012 – $1,090,000 – let’s begin with the van cleef & arpels watches: their movement alone took five engineers three years to create. dial scenes become animated (yes, this is an animated watch folks) silhouettes are the hours, shooting stars are the minutes and they each dance to the time across paris landmarks. anhhh…well if this couldn’t get any more romantic, the lucky buyer will also be whisked off to paris and geneva (first-class of course) and given private tours of the van cleef & arpels boutique, atelier and watchmaking workshops (riveting). but they are also providing “remarkable dining experiences and entertainment to suit your preferences,” while in paris, albet i wonder how far someone (read: me) can take that…

and my personal favorite:

4) private dinner for 10 – $250,000 – while this may seem a bit steep for dinner, behold: four of the culinary world’s most notable chefs—daniel boulud, thomas keller, jerome bocuse, and richard rosendale—will be at your beck and call for your own personal feast. in tow they are bringing bertha gonzalez (THE maestra tequilera, duh), to kick off the evening with a serious tequila tasting. my mouth is performing taste bud olympics at the mere thought. the only thing missing is the matching gym membership you’ll need after partaking in such gluttony. but hey i am sure that will make next year’s catalog, and the gym will be located in heaven and god will be your personal trainer.

so who’s up for some shopping?

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