dear uncle karl

karl lagerfeld is a god of gods. this we knew.

and turns out in his godliness, he is also a man of many (sometimes questionable) opinions.

popular fashion news site, fashion, etc., released an article yesterday aggregating all the things mr. lagerfeld is not fond of…in his own words. and while at first glance i thought this was undeniably inane, something lead to me continue clicking (procrastination a likely catalyst). turns out karl has some solid points…

1. flip flops – “i’m physically allergic to flip-flops.” my parents (god bless their european souls) also did not believe in flip flops. it wasn’t till i was 15 that i bought my first pair. and while we may have experienced a brief love affair in high school, our break up was sudden, deliberate and i shall never go back.  i scourge the person that brings them into my house these days.

2. short men –  “life is not a beauty contest, some ugly people are great. what I hate is nasty, ugly people. the worst is ugly, short men. women can be short, but for men it is impossible. it something they will not forgive in life.” i would forgive it, but girlfriend is 5’6 and heels just make me happy. stupid happy. and who wants to give up stupid happy?

3. sweatpants – “sweatpants are a sign of defeat. you lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” unless you are coming to or from your pilates-cum-barre-cum-circuit-whatever classes, no one wants to see them. lulu lemon exists for a reason. lead yourself not into cotton-drawstring temptation.

4. thongs – “i’m not mad for thongs.” well karl, there is a reason you are a gay male darling. although, i do appreciate the support because no woman actually enjoys having a piece of fishing wire strung betwixt her buttocks.

5. meetings – “i don’t do meetings. at chanel, there are no meetings. at chanel, we do what we want, whenever we want and it works. and fendi is the same.” my name is karl, and i do what i want. #badass. too bad my office doesn’t also want group nap sessions, champagne lunches or company-funded shopping sprees. rude.

um, karl – will you be my spirit animal?

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